How did we get started with #NonMonogamy? This post will describe our long winding road of discovery over 4 years in a phased process.
Quick Current Stats:
Mixed Race Couple
No kids
Play as a Couple
Play as Individuals
Prefer Soft Swap Only (Couples)
Full Swap (As Individuals)
Relationship advantages recognized after starting lifestyle:
Dedication to fitness & diet
Communication enhancement
#Compersion and confidence
New Relationship Energy
Relationship disadvantages recognized after starting lifestyle:
Time apart during separate dates
Learning to deal with lack of control
Judgmental behavior
Phase 1: The Seed
So much of our relationship in present day is reflective of (at the time) seemingly insignificant conversations and exchanges with each other, friends, and strangers. Before I even met Peaches, my first awareness of someone close to me being non-monogamous, were college friends that married early; and then unmarried early, possibly due to the complications that can ensue with open marriages. I didn't know much, it was a path shrouded in mist.
As can happen in San Francisco, new opportunities arise late at night in interesting locations. My first proposition came on New Year's Eve, circa 2004. An attractive young woman approached me at a party, offered to share her joint, and we shared some more drinks for a couple hours. Just as I was feeling pretty excited about the progression of the night, her large husband approached us and asked
Is he into it?
The woman hushed him, quickly explained they were looking for a #Bisexual guy to have a threesome and ring in the New Year. (The mutual friend is gay that was throwing the party, and the majority of the attendees were lesbian or gay, so honest mistake) I politely declined, and I wondered about this other world I was just exposed to.
After thinking about it for about... a minute, I was horny for group play, not a crazy reaction at all, but still I had no idea how to seek this out myself. As a single guy, I naturally chose poorly. It was a series of unsuccessful forays and messages that went nowhere on Craig's List, Adult Friend Finder, Yahoo Personals, and various other sites that I have most assuredly blocked from my memory and Internet history.
A few of my following relationships fantasized about it, but never wanted to make group play a reality. I conceded it would never happen. Then I met Peaches and married her (another story altogether). Sexy discussion ensued. I brought up the fantasy.
You would seriously want to share me???
She didn't talk to me for 2 days...
Phase 2: The Sapling
Peaches eventually started talking to me again (thank jeebus) and we let the topic die off amidst other #vanilla exploits. After a little time, she struck up a new friendship...with a guy she met in line for coffee! They shared some common interests and chatted quite frequently.
Over the course of a few weeks/months the conversations drifted from vanilla to very flirtatious. Peaches enjoyed the attention and started to feel guilty for the New Relationship Energy (#NRE). Crazily enough, this NRE converted directly to some hot sex for me, so I immediately started to inquire.
What was going on with these conversations?
Feeling the need to unburden herself, she came clean with her naughty little secret. The guy friend was asking about what sexy things she liked, and used that to talk dirty and fantasize about what it would be like if they had sexy time. She assumed I would be livid, but I surprised her and encouraged the talk. Over the course of a few more weeks, she would have her chat, get wet, and be ready to fuck ASAP. This process was A OK with me, but the 3rd party wanted more, and suggested the three of us meet. Peaches was not quite ready for that, so he suggested the next best thing, Skype sex!
It had been awhile since we both were so turned on, just having sex in front of a camera, with a stranger watching and directing her what he wanted her to do to me. It makes my cock throb still to this day as I remember Peaches giving me the deepest #blowjob she had ever achieved, and listening to every word of this guy on the other side of the screen to ride me and take my #cock deep inside her from behind. Needless to say we both felt like porn stars, and the H was O.
Phase 3: Research
Our strategy morphed quickly into a distributed labor system of research and development.
Peaches assignments:
Lifestyle Dating Site Reviews
General Google mastery
Eggplant Parm assignments:
LS Podcasts (Swinger Diaries, Curious Couple, and Swap Fu were the first 3 I binged thanks to iTunes Search)
We joined a few sites, some we ended up quitting a few, but essentially started the full newbie experience with sole priority of meeting couples, as couples and looking for #4waychemistry. (Note, we dedicated about 8 months to this phase)
Phase 4: Dating/Swapping/Exploring
Much more will be added to this section in future posts, but here is the long-story short:
4 Way Chemistry is fucking hard to find, but we found it.
Our first swap was a full swap, and we weren't quite emotionally ready for it. We did feel mentally and physically ready for it. The other couple was fucking hot, and everything was flowing. The other Mr. was naturally all over Peaches, and the other Mrs. was laughing at all my dumb jokes and the eye fucking commenced. We all had that crazy look like,
Wow we all like each other and we might be fucking each other soon! Whaaaaa?
...And we did, the very next day after meeting. We didn't have a ton of rules, but we agreed that we needed chat (via KIK) to develop chemistry (the #sapio aspect) and we would not play on the second date even if we were all excited. The 2nd date was fair game and we scheduled the very next day. We were super nervous, and it was bumpy, but it went off and finished well. The #swinger virginity was gone. We had our stripes, and now it felt ripe for progression and internal discussion.
This is the part of the story that stopped me dead in my tracks. I thought that I was ahead of the game, ready for any #progression, and Peaches began her series of surprising the shit out of me. Her next request for progression?
I want to play separately, separate rooms first. I want to hear you fuck in the next room and I want you to hear me. ~Peaches
Whoa... ~Eggplant Parm
